all i want is everything
all we want is everything
to throw it all away

i used to think that i was one of the blessed few who could go thru their periods in a breeze. no cramps no moodswings no lethargicness.
apparently not.
somehow one day i left that club of lucky nonhormonalgurls and am now beginning to feel its arrival. it is not due in like days later but i just know man. i just know. instincts.

i can see myself with an entirely different personality. one with lesser self control. who can't condone imperfections and ppl not going her way. speaks what she wans whenever she wans and dun give a damn if she's offended the whole world. and be completely bimbo or bitchy or loving as she feels like it.

would i be happier then

if we tie our entire meaning of happiness onto things and people. what happens when all the strings snap and everything starts to fall. does that mean we will be happier if we dun?
will we not know loneliness if we do not know companionship? or do we look for people only to fill our infinite emptiness. to fill that neverending gap with greater hypes. like an overworn dress, it will just get bigger.

but i chose not to be that someone i could have been. and because of choice that person is not me at all. because i am conscious of the way the world looks at me and i do care what you think of me. although sometimes i wish i could cry without a reason, just to let the tears flow. walk away just to return here in this very spot. that you would hold me close just because you love me.

and for no reason at all

*

in a sudden reflection of relationships ard me

just because i love you

i can wait for hours when ur late
endure every little idiosyncracies you have
sing stupid songs on the phone
laugh at your jokes
not care for sweet nothings
travel across singapore
and back
wan you to be happie all the time
ignore occasional tempers
sacrifice precious sleep
change for the better
try

and not mind at all
only because i love you

and that's all everything is about: on the pretext of love. nething else would be degrading, worthless, a lie and a waste of time. a double edged sword, there is also only one real reason why relationships end. when you think abt it this way, it actually can't be helped, with nobody to blame. sad as it is but ya..