Great eastern has sent me my certificate of insurance for the "dependants protection scheme" assuring me that if i shld die in any circumstances, excluding that of suicide, war, participation in riots, pre existing illnesses, capital punishment for criminal act and a direct result of any criminal act, my family will be paid in "one lump sum" (they actually use these words?!) of no idea how much.

i guess tt wld be useful in the future but for now, i am entitled to a lucky draw to win the canon digital IXUS 750! woohoo! i hope i win!!!!
that wld reallie be the ideal birthday present!
wat are the odds anyway. hee.

prob even lesser than the chances of me commiting suicide or dying in a war/riot/watever pre-existing illnesses/capital punishment. damn these insurance ppl always so calculative in everything

anyways..
since my 18th bday is coming(if u haven already knoww) my fren was telling me to do a little reflection on the past. and wat kept coming to mind were actually stuff that happened the past six mths.

i guess being the extremely happie-go-lucky-slacker type person that i am, i readily accept anything that has happened to be the way it is and dun usually have an esp strong opinion to where i wan life to take me. of course there are the few what-ifs that everyone ponders over (such as a certain unfortunate dropping chinese incident) but other than that, i would consider life in sec sch and earlier ons to be a happie fuzzy piece of heaven in my memories :) and j1 to be a crazy rollercoaster ride - you think you're gonna die at every turn and fall but you're seated with all ur frens screaming/laughing with you, in the end all is fun and thus satisfactory :D

den in recent mths i guess it has been extremely difficult for me to find a peace of mind and reconcile with all tt's taking place around me. i made new acquaintances who get all chummy with you at first and then call you out only when they need you to fill the empty slots in their schedules, accompany them to tok about their all eventful life over coffee. haha

of coz wat happens to you is none of their concern unless it is of equal excitement and gossip value, involving the right people in the social circle. which is prob one of the reasons why i have developed a slight distaste towards clubbing cause sometimes, it is just a cesspool of such relationships or rather, connections. with them i could see a future where i wld end everynight feeling empty and shallow or wake up in bed feeling dirty and used.

but i dunno why i am taking this so hard but i guess i was looking at all the wrong places to fill the void ever since the breakup and den realising that it just got bigger.

the other day i was telling jolene how nice it was to be loved and cared for by someone for no reason at all. that these feelings just existed out of nothing towards another human being who can otherwise be just a stranger, and for no other purpose at all. i tink she above everyone else shld understand this very well. tho i have pretty much moved on, the feeling of content and bliss remains. that at some point in time for awhile, his paths and mine did intertwine as two candle flames were to burn as one. i am thankful for it and hope that i do make him feel the same way too.

and the void is finally closing up.

sorrie to everyone i've met and have been out of sorts, not toking much or saying all the wrong thing or in the wrong way or been inconsiderate and silly or moody or distracted. you can lash it out on me after As :(

now tt i mention it, THERE'S alevels and the neverending syllabus to complete. my life is on a standstill and i feel as though i am just dead in all ways possible - die studying, die even before reaching the end, die sittin for the papers, die collecting the results. but i am reallie not toooo concerned abt this (tts a cause for worry later), it's just tt i am pressured to end this right, ie do well once and for all.
put a nice finishing end to 8 yrs of screwed up academic life sigh.

early birthday wish: everyone get 3As and meet only nice ppl and lead a happie life yay! world peace!

this concludes my heavy duty entry for the day