happy 2007 y'alls

was on a mini hiatus for awhile there. partly due to work and partly cause i was bored of the old blog. somehow it was getting a tad depressing to blog there. ghost of a not too distant past still lingers and i find it hard to express myself to the fullest, without any reservations. perhaps it's purely psychological but i feel tt i can no longer identify myself there.

so much feelings for a virtual site hah

the topic of approaching the big 2 in the coming months of 2007 has occupied many of our conversations lately. lucky for me i was born in the later mths of a yr but still i can feel the uncompromising drain of time whenever we mention this. damn i am still adjusting to telling ppl im 19. sure it is the lifelong goal of the female species to age gracefully but tts besides the pt now. when youth is all we have, we start to panic as time gradually slips away in the turn of a clock. there are still many things to do: we wan to earn our first million, want to live comfortably in our dream house, spend time with our friends, throw a kick ass party, travel round the world.. tick tock tick.

tts when i realise tt i have been too bloody lazy. first yr of uni has seen me breeze thru the easier topics tt i already have prior knowledge to like philo and sg films, and struggling with those tt require reading and real work such as political science. in fact 'struggling' wld be a much too flattering word to use here, more like 'trying to get by w minimal work'. how long do i expect to carry on like this. being mediocre and all wld not suffice, i wld say its unfortunate tt im cursed with an ambitious heart and a lazy mind.

when i started working with jeremiah last yr, my mind sank into a constant battle with itself every single day. the need to perform demanded by a real world context was taking a toil on my sluggish mind. and when i see the things ive done, it pains and disgusts me as i noe deep down tt i cld have done better. yet there's also a reluctance to start putting in effort. as tho being lazy was my comfort zone, an excuse for not performing as opposed to a lack of ability.

so there, my reflection for 2006. i believe my new year resolution is quite self explanatory.

my mental struggle and work has isolated me in recent mths. and ive felt more alone den ever at several pts. jeremiah albeit a close fren sometimes fall short of wat i need, since he is so much older and has to serve the self interest of keeping his business up. i do not blame him. these only serve to make me cherish my frens even more, those who have been there for me when things were bad even when i spend so little time with them. im glad i have these ppl to go thru a whole new yr with.

:)