taking two level2 philo modules this sem was a good choice. i feel more confident in taking philo as a major now seeing that there are more ppl ard me who are making the same choice. i wld have chosen to be a philo major regardless anyway since i reallie cannot think of a better subject for me to study in arts. but everyone is so worried abt my job prospects when i voiced out my decision. at least now i noe of many others to be unemployed with when i graduate haha.

ever realise that cab drivers listen to the most out of the world unheard of radio stations. with my recent increased cabbing, i have come to conclude that top hits among singapore cab drivers are malaysia and cantonese radio stations. they must have zeng their car to be able to tune in to them HAHA.

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have been incredibly grouchy lately. lashed out at ppl with harsh words and sour comments. am not particularly proud of it but i can't help it. the most minute things can cause an instant mood swing and i do not bother to be discreet abt it. well i try to hide it but eventually im just too tired, succumbing to the strong urge to heck it all seems so much easier.

i am turning into a pruney old bitch. searched frantically for a remedy but the old familar ways have abandoned me. what used to make my day: starbucks, wedding cookies, chilling out at night... now have the effect of a dozen mindless things thrown into an empty void. i hate it when i cannot control my emotions. this helplessness only makes it tougher for me to cheer up.

maybe i secretly resent work. i hate it that i have so little time for myself. i hate it that i cannot see my frens. i hate it that sometimes i dun have the technicalities that others noe so im stuck doing paperwork. i hate it that i actually want to do what im doing so im kinda stuck. im so tired all the time lately, sometimes i wish i could just sleep for the rest of my life.

sometimes i wonder about the chance i have given up on and watch the days fold and unfold itself into a charade of alternate present. have you seen 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'? this is like Clementine after erasing her memory and all this mindless moping is over things that did nt happen. there's a reason why ppl choose to make bad decisions and maybe i have chosen a bad time to make a good one.
and a different sort of loss surfaces, wearing a different mask from pain
a divergence in path missed, looking back only when you've wandered too far
and the heart does not fill up with tears but
hollow out
into chambers of infinite echoes

maybe it is good tt i see my frens less lately. dun wanna let them see me rearing my ugly horns. looking for my stoic self again.

but nothing is forever