show's over we have to go
i have to leave too but i can't. till the credits end. till the music stop and the entire theatre is frozen with darkness den shall i rise. and never return

i have come to whine, rant, complain abt my major depression
my major major MAJOR depression
that is threatening to swallow me whole

first i rammed the side of my hip against some corners twice while walking, paralyzing me with pain for a good few mins. jol had to stop walking and wait for me recover. now there is this huge ass blue black at my hip bone

then i got screwed by parents. but that was not too bad but they kinda involved the entire world into it. which i dun feel like elaborating nemore. it's just too darn depressing!

and i am having gastric pains now! cause unlike jol who has put down the fone to go raid the fridge, i am too lazy to move and now i am dying. of not only emotional pain but physical pain

but the most significant cause of all is school.
yes school. i hate school. i can go on and on. but it is freaking friday now. and i am depressed. i can't skip sch nemore.. not until i get all my notes in place and settle the damn class mag thingy.
curses and swears*
yes and my art
curses and swears some more*
do u think i can at least come up with ten sketches by sunday ?
ten good solid sketches
i tink i wanna kill myself now before dunn gets to me

yes and everyone, i have lost my alevel entry proof. congratulate me for being a neat and clean freak of nature, a reallie intelligent one to be exact, for once in year 2004-2005 i decide to clear my table to create a good studying environment and ended up throwing that piece of paper away. i tot it was some receipt. *applause*
maybe i wun have to study for alevels after all hehe
k i doubt so

i have watched 'alot like love' bdws. it is a pretty good movie and very funny. somehow it has gotten me depressed too. although i can still laugh when i think back of scenes from it. amanda peets looks hell lot like jennifier garner when she smiles. i tink it is just all these damn romantic shows. according to some research contrary to popular belief the part of ur brain that triggers the feelings of being in love is actually not the part that controls emotions but... the part that handles thirst, hunger drug addictions and the such. or something like tt. so the feeling of being in love is actually like a craving or an addiction. that constantly needs to be fed and satisfied.

alright.. and that part of my brain must be reallie active now cause i am absolutely dying of hunger and gastric pain. my stomach i swear is going to convulse shrivel up and die soon.

i just miss everything so very much
the warmth the touch
the midnight talks to the neverending silliness
and the knowing of waking up the next morning not alone
but my tears dun mean anything any more
as of empty spaces in empty memories
filling up with whatifs and couldhavebeens
alas i pine and miss, long, hope and crave yet
my prayers hover, hesitate
i actually dun want any more. actually no more.
how do i leave myself alone?